Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
this will be a night to untag.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
