I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
