so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
