Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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