The maid of honor just puked.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
