no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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