Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
