there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
