no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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