I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't think brook has ever known best
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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