DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
