Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
