the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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