apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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