just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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