i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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