Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
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She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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