is this the sara with the beer cane?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
