At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
