dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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