i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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