I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
