Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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