her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
