I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
