i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
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Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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