I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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