i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
