I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
