John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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