found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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