I wanna bring you to show and tell
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
