I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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