i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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