wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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