Hey man sorry I got all grabby
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
