And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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