You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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