If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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