just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
