Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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