You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He felt like a one man threesome
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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