I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
