Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
