How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
