dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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