nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
