A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
