I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
