i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
