So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
