She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
