omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
