We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
