I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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