dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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