So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
