I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
