News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
