the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
